Home Alone
by everythingineedandmore
Summary: I had never considered what it would be like to be alone; to have someone not there to help you through the worst times; or to be there during your best. You never consider whom you really love until that person is gone. Being alone is different; unsatisfactory. Never take a loved one for granted, they may be your key to happiness
1. Chapter 1

HOME ALONE

Being home alone was a strange sensation for me; it had been a while and I wasn't enjoying it one bit.

Usually all I seem to do all day everyday is go on the internet, tweet and reblog a few pictures from tumblr. So I thought these next few days wouldn't be much different, except is was. It was completely different; it missed the most important person to make my days better, easier and happier and that person was phil.

I was bored, lost and in need of someone to talk to. Someone that knows how to cheer me up and knows what I'm like; I couldn't just call up one of my other friends because they'd think I was stupid or immature but phil was different; he understands.

As you may be aware of, I have many occurrences of being in an existential crisis and usually all I have to do is tell phil and he has his way of making myself feel better and he then gives me a comfort hug; which I rather enjoy more than I probably should.

Recently, since phil had gone away, I've had more of these occurrences and I haven't been dealing with them well. I've forgotten to do the important stuff that phil constantly reminded me about before he left, but being an idiot I haven't done any of it.

I spend most of my mornings moping in bed, wishing phil would enter the room and give me a good story that would take my mind off things. I just wanted to see his face; his cheeky smile, his big blue eyes and those dark locks of hair that I admire so much.

But he wasn't here. And I was missing him more than I would probably would admit to myself.

The phandom like to remind me of my own feelings which they think is all laugh and joke; when really, to me, they actually are providing some truth. Phil makes me feel good about myself and makes me forget every shit thing that has ever happened to me in my life so far. He is my best friend. My soul mate. I don't know what I'd do if he wasn't here, I hate thinking about that sort of thing. I hate to believe that he may be out of my life one day; that I'll be alone, forever.

This is why I never really spend time on my own. I overthink and become a unstable mess. Phil knows this and he even made sure that I'd be be okay if he went on his little adventure. I'd assured him numerous times because I didn't want him to be held back from having a good time.

At the airport, I gave him a a long hug before he went through the bagging area (making sure no fans were taking sneaky pictures, and just making sure it could just be me and phil saying a normal goodbye). I held back the tears and he waved a final goodbye and that was it, he was gone.

The one weakness I have is that I attach to people and if they're not there I miss them. With phil, however, the feeling is much more obsessive and desperate, and often enough I don't know how to control it.

**Hope this is a good little summery, I plan this story not to be as long as the last, but I also hope it's better too. Thankyou for all your reviews so far and be sure to follow the story to find out what happens next!  
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	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: The Call

As I woke from a rough night of toss and turns in bed; worrying about what phil would think of me if he knew what state I was in, I thought to myself all the possibilities that could be made in the next 12 hours of today.

I began with making myself a bowl of cereal and sat in front of the tv. 'Great british bake off' was on and I began to feel a rush of warmth in my body, a wet occurrence in my eyes and a shiver down my spine.

Before I knew it I was crying; not the loud weepy type of cry but a subtle and heavy breathing type of cry. A cry of loss and worry, a cry that made me think I was stupid and unworthy. A cry that made me think of phil, and made me realise just how much I miss him.

I let the tears run smoothly down my face and drip onto my clothing, I let my thoughts take over me and before I knew it I was asleep on the couch and dreaming about all the bad things that have never really left me, but I hadn't gone back to in a while.

Since phil had entered my life in fact, he was good at letting me forget and making me feel good about myself.

I had to realise that phil would be back in 2 days, I needed to stop this stupidity and reevaluate how I was being. Phil wouldn't be happy if he knew how pathetic I was being so I sat up and turned on my laptop.

I tweeted 'give me some inspiration' and waited.

Soon enough people were replying with 'doughnuts' 'llamas' 'delia smith' and 'you' as a little joke. I scrolled and read through the many replies. I replied to 2 that made me smile; well smile more than I had done, and then went into my room to get ready.

At 12:30 the phone rang; I usually don't answer it, but today was different, today it seemed right to answer it so I did.

A small voice spoke 'hello, dan?'

I answered 'hello, who is this?'

'It's me, _phil_. How are you?'

I stumbled back a bit, taking in those words, those beautiful soft words. I felt a shiver go through me and a smile appeared on my face, a real one this time. I answered 'PHIL! How are you? I've missed you so much, have you enjoyed yourself?'

Phil giggled _musically_ down the line 'I'm good thankyou, I miss you too, and that's why I'm going to get home a day early! Can you come and meet me at the airport tomorrow at 11?'

I breathed heavily, ecstatic at this amazing news, phil was coming back for me because he _missed_ me. 'Oh my god, that's brilliant! Of course I will, I can't wait to see you!'

Phil laughed again and said 'yeah same'

I then spoke to him for about 2 hours; it would have been more but phil was running out of credit and I needed to go shopping; so that it would look like I did something productive while he was away.

I couldn't believe he was coming home tomorrow, a warm rush went through me and my heart beat increased with excitement and I was singing and smiling all around the flat... This was the happiest day of the week and I couldn't wait to see phil again.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3:

That night I couldn't sleep, not from being sad or having too much on my mind; but from excitement. I'd set an alarm for 7am but woke up naturally at 6:30am; as if my body knew what I wanted and made sure I was in the brightest spirit possible.

I leaped out of bed and went to the bathroom to have a shower; so as to look like I'd taken care of myself whilst Phil was away. I washed my face in a product Phil had gotten me before he left. I went into my room and picked out my favourite skinny black jeans and my black shirt. I dried my hair and straightened it, brushed it and fixed it into a place I thought looked ok.

By the time I had done all this it was 8am. I had 3 hours before Phil would be off the plane and I hoped he'd give me a hug first; since I was too awkward to make 'first moves'.

I went to the kitchen and made myself a bowl of _Shreddies_ with _Frosted Wheat_ (Phil's favourite). I ate quite slowly to kill time and turned on the TV. Great British Bake Off was on again; so I watched as people cried and struggled as they attempted to make _Fairy Cakes_; it amused me more than it probably would have anyone else. By the time it reached 9:30 I decided to call a cab to the airport.

I tidied around the flat and made sure I had everything; my phone: check, keys: check, mints: check, information for where Phil was getting off: check. I heard a beep outside the flat and I doubled checked again that I had everything and went out the door, going back to lock it. The cab driver asked where I was going, so I told him. I then plugged my earphones in and the cab started to go.

The driver tried to make small talk, which was unsuccessful due to little response from me, since (1) I ignored him most of the time and (2) I couldn't hear him through the loudness of my music. I heard him grunt a few times due to the attempts of trying to get me to talk and then in the end he gave up and just got me to the airport in silence.

I thanked the driver and tipped him £3; which I thought was pretty decent due to the amount he charged me, but he seemed unimpressed. I journeyed into the airport doors and looked at the time '10:15.' I still had plenty of time. Phil would probably laugh at my organisational self since I was almost 98% late or forgetful to most things I turned up to.

I went to a cafe and ordered a hot chocolate; a rare choice, but unless it's Starbucks or Phil, I often don't trust coffees made by other people. I put my music in again and as I was looking through twitter I heard a soft voice, I didn't think anything of it until I felt a tap on my shoulder. I looked up and saw a pretty girl stood near me; she had long wavy blonde hair, big green eyes, a black t-shirt with rolled up sleeves and black leather shorts with black tights.

She smiled at me and I said 'hello, can I help you with something?'

She answered and said 'well... err, I was wondering if um I could have your autograph? I'm a _subscriber_ of yours and I really love your videos and it would mean a lot to me if I got a picture with you, if that isn't too much trouble?'

Great, I thought. Well at least she's more polite than some of the subscribers I come across and she used the word 'subscriber' instead of 'fan' which I much prefer. I smiled at her and said 'of course you can, what's your name?'

A big grin appeared on her face, showing cute little dimples on either side and she answered 'my names Rachel and I'm 16' I nodded and wrote on a piece of paper:

_'To Rachel, thanks for your support on YouTube; _

_I hope you have a lovely day,_

_Love from :Dan'_

She took it; read it and then gave me a hug, her hair was in my face and her body was warm against mine; I naturally hugged her back and she awkwardly stayed there longer than I would have wanted her to, but even so I let her have her moment of happiness. She finally let go and we took a picture together (in which I looked awfully tired in) and she thanked me again and I said goodbye.

I then went back to my phone and within minutes saw that she had already tweeted me the picture. I favoured it out of kindness and looked at her Twitter. She was definitely a fan. Her banner was me and Phil, her icon was now me and her and her bio was '_until phan is real I will not stop trying to get into Dan Howell's pants_.' Lovely...

Just when I thought she was normal. Thinking about it none of my subscribers are completely sane. I looked at the time again, it read '10:45', it was time to go and wait for Phil. I sped walked to the gates in which Phil would come out of in around about 10 minutes now. I stood and waited; again another subscriber, a boy this time, came over and said 'your videos are pretty funny.' I thanked him and he punched my arm as a friendship gesture, which hurt more than I let off.

As the clock hit 11am I waited... and waited. I began to get a little worried; of course plains don't land on the dot but as near to it shouldn't be too hard. A woman's voice spoke from the speakers in the airport and announced '_plain from France to London has been delayed by approximately 10 minutes, we thank you for your patience and will inform you if anything else is to occur.'_

I sighed from impatience and went to sit down. I went on my phone again and looked through twitter, my thoughts were all over the place and I must have dosed off because all of a sudden I felt my hair being shaken about.

I woke suddenly and looked up and there, above me, was Phil; laughing. He put his hand out, indicating to help me get up. I took it without a second thought and Phil brought me into a hug.

His body was warm and I held onto him so tight that I thought I may be suffocating him, but he didn't say anything so I continued. It felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Phil whispered into my ear 'you don't understand how much I missed you.'

My heartbeat increased and a smile appeared on my face and I replied with 'you're telling me, I've missed you so much Phil. Did you have a good trip?'

Phil let go then and looked me in the eyes and asked 'it was ok I guess, I wish you were there but the sights were pretty cool. Were you ok?'

I looked down and said 'I am now you're home; we should go to Starbucks and then watch a movie when we get back!' Phil smiled and said 'great plan, come on let's go.' He looked around a bit and then very smoothly took my hand and squeezed it and then let go. Our eyes met and he smiled at me, his little tongue sticking out a bit like it does and I smiled back. I was so happy to see that cheeky face again and I couldn't wait to go back to normality and happiness again.

_**Please let me know if you would like another chapter with maybe some sneaky phan being put in eh?**_


	4. Chapter 4

**sorry it's a little short but I'm not really sure where I want to go with this story so I'm just having a little fun with phan;) hope you enjoy and I thank everyone who has reviewed and followed this story so far xx**

_"Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable."_

When we got back to the flat Phil took my hand and guided me up the stairs. He had never really done this before, but I wasn't going to stop him. His hand felt nice and warm; it felt comfortable.

As we got up to the second floor, Phil took me into his room and then turned around to face me. At this point I was slightly worried about what was about to happen, but a little part of me was excited too.

Phil said 'I had never been away for this length of time from you before and as the days passed me I understood why. I can't lie Dan, I _missed_ you, like really missed you and I didn't enjoy myself at all. I tried to, I really did; _for you_, but it was hard. I've come to realise something, I don't want you to freak out or anything and I totally understand if you never want to see me again but I really hope you can listen to me.'

He paused and I took this time to say 'right, ok, go on'

Phil breathed and finally said 'I think I'm in love with you'

I paused and didn't know what to say; I was speechless.

Phil burst out laughing. I looked at him and said 'what's wrong? Is this a joke?'

Phil replied 'no, no, I'm serious, but I've just heard it how you must have heard it and gosh; it sounds so silly' Phil began to laugh again and so did I. We were just laughing and the tears of laughter were rolling; and as we began to get closer and closer, it happened.

We began to kiss.

His lips were soft against mine, his arms began to go around my waist; where as mine were linked around his shoulders, fingers running through the back of his hair. We guided one another to the bed and lay on it. Phil was below me and I was slightly on top and all of a sudden he stopped it and said 'is this really the time?' I looked at him, meeting those big green eyes, and said 'I wasn't going to do...well...that, until we were comfortable.'

Phil sighed in relief and we just held onto each other for a while. Phil smelt of grass and aftershave and I took in those scents gladly; resting my head on his stomach. Phil kissed the top of my head and before I knew it, I was asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: the morning fright**

After having probably the best night sleep of my life; I woke slowly and felt my surroundings as I did so.

My arms were curled around Phil's stomach and Phil's hand was on mine, I didn't move too much as I didn't know if he was awake or not. I lay there quietly, looking at our linked hands and treasured the moment gladly.

Phil then spoke, suddenly, saying 'morning'

'Hey Phil' I murmered

He giggled _musically _and I felt a smile spread across my face 'did you sleep ok, Dan?'

'Yes I did thanks, and you?'

'Yeah thanks'

We were silent for a while and I lifted my head to look at Phil, meeting those big green eyes. I smiled at him and he smiled back. He then said 'you know what I said yesterday… you know the love thing?'

'Briefly' I smirked

He giggled quietly and said 'do you feel the same way?'

That got me thinking for a moment, of course I had very strong feelings for Phil; very physical and very _lustful_ feelings but would I call that love? I wasn't sure.

'I'm not too sure Phil' I said, truthfully

'Ok, well I was thinking that I wasn't either' I felt my eyes widen then and I frowned in confusion; how can you say you love someone and then decide that you weren't sure the moment after, it didn't make sense.

He spoke again 'that came out wrong, I do have very strong feelings for you and I really want us to be together and I really like you Dan it's just… I've never been in love so I'm not sure what that's like. I'm sure I will love you, definitely yes, whether I do now is uncertain to me'

'I understand, I feel the same way'

'Really?'

'Yes; and I think I have done for a while, you going away made me realise just how much I need you and just how much I care about you, know what I mean?'

'Yes, I really do know what you mean'

I lifted my head higher and kissed him on the cheek; it was cool and soft and I felt a shiver go through me as I did so. Phil went a little pink and I giggled at him.

I sat up a bit and so did he and we held onto each other for a while. Phil moved me to face him and I met his eyes; those beautiful eyes that I admire so much and he kissed me again on the lips.

It was nice to kiss him; he was very good at it, and when it happened I never wanted it to stop.

When the kissing ended, I said 'I'm so glad you put a TV in here Phil because now we can watch films together all day and… you know, do things'

Phil laughed and said 'I love how you automatically think of procrastinating getting out of bed'

'You mean procrastinate time spent without you?'

Phil smiled and brought my face in again for another long kiss that was more intense. We lay down and Phil began to take my top off as I undid his too. Our pants were also soon off and I brought my body in closer to his; his hands were around my bum and he was squeezing it just a little which felt great, whereas I was bringing my hands down to his underwear- moving my hand closer to the rim of it; edging to go into it.

Phil pushed me off a little and said 'not yet, Dan, seriously… it's not that I don't want to I just want to see where this goes before we… you know… do that'

'I'm so sorry Phil; I went a little ahead of myself, I understand don't worry'

He pecked me again on the lips and said 'we will get there, just have a little patience ok?'

'Sure, sure'

'Thanks Dan'

I kissed him on the cheek and wrapped my hands around his stomach again; placing my head on his chest, listening to his heart beat _quicken_ up as I did so. I smiled at this and Phil moved down slightly; so he was lying down next to me, and he said 'what film shall we watch then?'

'Ooh I don't know, what do you want to watch?'

After saying this, all of a sudden I heard a massive _**BANG **_come from downstairs; as if something was hit or dropped or something; fuck.

'Did you hear that?' I squealed

'Yes, what the hell was it?' Phil said, shakily.

'I don't want to know, but we need to know you know'

'Right' Phil got out of bed and took my hand and said 'c'mon, we'll face this together because I'm not going on my own'

'Right'

'Is 'Right' our 'Okay'?'

'Now's not the time to quote John Green, Phil'

'Right'

'Right' I smirked.

I held very tightly onto Phil's hand as we crept on the landing in our underwear… I heard another _**BANG**_ downstairs and Phil and I looked at each other, worryingly.

We crept downstairs and onto the next floor; we heard noised coming from the kitchen…

_**BANG**_

Fuck. I thought. Phil's palm was sweaty, or was that my palm… I don't really care I just want to go back to bed with Phil and pretend this never happened.

Phil opened the kitchen door slightly and spoke 'who's… who's there?'

No answer.

_**BANG**_

Oh my fucking God. Is this for real?

Phil burst in then, bringing me with him and I had my eyes shut from fright.

Phil whispered 'Dan, Dan look'

'What is it, a ghost, daemon, witch, what is it?'

'Just look'

I opened my eyes and saw on the kitchen counter a… goat?

'Where the fuck did that come from?'

'I don't know…'

_**BANG**_; the goat pounded the kitchen counter once more, it was angry. Fuck.

'What do we do, it looks angry'

'We leave and close this door, and then I'll call the police or something'

'And say what 'oh hi er there's a random goat in our kitchen making noises and he seems angry and we don't know how he got there, please help us get rid of it because we're too pussy to do so"

'It's the only option'

'Unless we figure out who's it is'

_**BANG;**_it was getting louder.

I dragged Phil out the kitchen and closed the door, I needed to think and think fast 'were we expecting someone to come over?'

'I don't… wait a second I know exactly who's done this'

'Care to share?'

'Carrie!'

'What'

'Yeah, she said she'd call round and she had a little friend to introduce to us; maybe the goats the friend?'

'Then please explain how the goat is here and Carrie isn't?'

'Maybe she is here'

'The door was locked, wasn't it?'

We rushed to the front door and tested it; yep it was definitely locked.

_**BANG**_

**'**Phil, I'm really scared' He took me in and hugged me tightly; that made me feel a little better.

'Same, should we check the rest of the flat to see if anyone is around?' he whispered, still wrapped around me.

'Sure, but don't split up from me'

'Right' He took my hand again and squeezed it tightly.

'Right' We smiled at each other and looked around the flat; going into each room, cautiously.

And nothing was found.

_Fuck._

'What do we do now?' I asked.

'We call the police'

'Right' I said, giving up.

'Right' Phil giggled and got his iPhone from the living room.

_**BANG, BANG, BANG**_

Oh my fucking God 'hurry Phil, hurry'

'Ok, ok I'm ringing, see' he flashed his phone at me and I just rolled my eyes and he smirked at me.

'Hello, can I have police please' he said 'yes, well this is a little awkward, you see there's a goat in our kitchen and it seems very angry, we're not sure how it got there or who's it is but we really need some assistance in getting rid of it you see' he paused 'ok' he paused again 'ok, thankyou ever so much, please be as quick as you can'

He hung up and said 'they'll be maximum 10 minutes'

'Right, should we just get some clothes on and stay in the living room then?' I said

'Oh of course, clothes, yes let's do that'

_**BANG, BANG**_

'This goat is mental' I said.

'Just forget about the goat and get some clothes on'

'Never heard you so eager'

'You know I don't mean it like that, Dan'

I laughed and said 'I was joking' I laughed again and so did he.

We heard a loud knock on the door and Phil answered it and I heard him say 'yes through here officers'

I smiled as 4 big blokes came through to the kitchen, I didn't go in with them but I heard a trigger being pulled and the goat was brought back out in a cage.

I said 'is it dead?'

'No, young man, we've put him to sleep and then we'll find out who the owner is'

'Ok, thankyou officer'

'Do you know how the goat entered this apartment?'

'No, officer; believe me, if I did, I would tell you'

'Okay, if you find out anything, give us a call' he handed me a card and they left.

* * *

**I know this is slightly random but I assure you more will be told soon:D thanks for all the reviews and I hope you have a fab weekend - just to note can we just talk about how great Phil is for uploading 4 videos this week?! All featuring Dan?! I just asdfgfghjj**


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